Celtic & Norse Jokes

Q--Why did God invent whiskey?

A--To prevent the Irish from ruling the world!

Q--What's Irish sunblock?

A--A pub.

A Scotsman was invited for a visit to the home of his Canadian friend.  Soon after the Scotsman arrived, he glanced out the window to see a huge beast just outside.  He pointed, and asked his Canadian friend, "Och, lad, what's that?"  The Canadian replied,  "Oh, that's a moose."  The Scotsman stared in disbelief, and replied, "That's a moose?!  Well, how big are yer cats around here?"

A Norseman returned to the king he served to pay homage.  The king asked,  "So, my faithful jarl, how have you spent your time a-Viking?"  The Norseman replied proudly,  "I've been pillaging, plundering, raping, and burning in the villages of your enemies to the West!"  The king scratched his head and said,  "I don't believe I have any enemies in the West."  To which the Norseman replied,  "Well, now you do!"

A Scotsman and a Norseman were walking along a road, when they came upon a sheep with its head stuck between two fence-rails. The Scotsman immediately rushed up to the sheep, flipped his kilt up, and went at it with enthusiasm.  When he was done, he said to the Norseman, "Och, that was a good 'un.  Laddie, have you ever tried this?"  The Norseman admitted he hadn't, and the Scotsman said,  "Well, you really ought to!"  The Norseman sized up the situation for a minute, and then said,  "Well, I would, but I don't think I can get my head between those rails."


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