A Spell Checking Spelling Check

by Don McLeod


Perhaps it was a bit naive to think that the spelling check program on my new computer would check the contents of the spells that I typed up. I had imagined that after running this program it might make suggestions such as, "You've forgotten to specify the type of incense to be used " or, "You are supposed to use a green candle for money spells, not red!" Unfortunately though, it only checks the spelling of the words, not the wording of the spells.

And when a spelling check program finds a word that is unfamiliar, it assumes that I have made a typing error, so it suggests a substitute list of words that I may have been attempting to type. And since Pagans tend to have a language that is littered with words that other people do not normally use, the computer becomes confused quite a lot. For example, the name of the god Lugh is not on the computer's list of recognizable words, so it suggests that I change this word to loo or lewd. I soon realized that if I agreed to all of the changes that the computer suggested, then this would lead to an interesting change of atmosphere to a ritual or spell. So, just for fun, I allowed the spelling check program to check the spelling of the following spell.

The original spell is shown on the left, and on the right is the revised version that resulted from agreeing to alternative wording that the computer suggested.

The Wicca Charm
Original Charm Computer-Altered Version


Wicca followers heed the call Knicker followers heed the call
Of Lammas to Imbolg, Of lammingtons to imbibe,
Dancing deosil, never Widdershins, Dancing docile, never widdling,
As we worship ye old religion. As we worship a yelled religion.


From the grimoire's magic true, From the grim one's magic true,
We find that we now have the runes, We find that we now have the runs,
And the sigils that will bring the power, And the sickness that will bring the power
To our Sabbat's witching hour. To our sad bat's twitching hour.


With a pentacle in hand, With a testicle in hand,
Await the Goddess's command, Await the Goddess's command,
Then cast your circle with the athame, Then cast your circle with the shame,
And with a censer burning vervain. And with a sense of burning vermin.


Throw your talisman into the fire, Throw your tallest man into the fire,
And to you comes what you desire, And to you comes what you desire,
Then jump astride a besom firm, Then jump astride a bosom firm,
And ride until the talisman burns. And ride until the tallest man burns.

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