Chemistry Essay
Author unknown;
email me if you know who wrote this so I can give due credit
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term..."Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off as it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant thereof. One student however wrote the following:
First we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate that they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul arrives in Hell it remains there for eternity, and therefore no souls are leaving Hell.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions, and since people do not belong to more than one religion at a time, we can project that all people's souls do indeed go to Hell.
With birth and death rates being what they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and the pressure in Hell to remain constant the volume of Hell must increase as souls are added. This gives us two possibilities;
(1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls are entering Hell then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
(2) Of course if Hell is expanding at a greater rate than souls are entering, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So...which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by one Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, that "it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you", and we take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in bedding down with Ms. Banyan, then:
(2) cannot be true, and thus I am quite sure that Hell is exothermic.
(This fellow received the only "A" on the test.)
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