O, Save Us From Faux Pagans
(sung to "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen")
lyrics by Zo Alexander
O, save us from faux pa - a - gans,
And all the motley crew
That hang about at festivals
Concerts and bus stops too
They dress up all in furs and chains,
With tattoos showing through
And knives, whips and axes hanging down,
Dragging the ground
And knives, whips and axes hanging down.
O, save us from faux pa - a - gans,
And all their groupies, who
Hang out with trolls and dra - a - gons,
And all the faery zoo
Except the guys in le - a - ther,
With bare cheeks showing through
And cod-pieces larger than their heads,
Larger than heads
And cod-pieces larger than heads.
O, save us from faux pa - a- gans,
Their chain mail shiny new
Stretched over hips and bo - o - soms,
With nipples showing through
And loincloths cut way up to here
O'er dimples, and veins blue
And full moons where none have shone before.
Never before
And full moons where none have shown before!
O, save us from faux pa - a - gans
Who paint their faces blue,
And speak in Scottish dialect
Like Braveheart never knew
Except the guys who wear beneath
Their wee kilts--here's to you--
Nothing but what auld nature did adorn,
When they were born
Nothing bu - u - t what auld nature did adorn!
O, save us from faux pa -a- gans,
Their bodies pierced through
With rings and studs and di - a - monds
Through nose and eyebrows, too
And bumpy things stuck through their tongues,
(And other places -- ew-w-w!)
The likes of which you don't want to know,
Trust me--I know!
There's some things you just don't want to know!
O, save us from faux pa - a - gans,
With athames brand new
And crystal balls and tarot cards
Hung out where all can view,
And shouting incanta - a - tions
Known only to a few
And daggers and pentagrams all round,
Daggers abound
And daggers and pentagrams all round.
O, save us from faux pa - a - gans
Except for me and you
For ours is all in finest taste,
In all we wear and do
And never would we be mistaken
For that other crew
Well, now, maybe I'm not so sure about you
Just look at you!
No, I'm really not that sure about you.
O, all you re - al pa - a - gans
(I'm talking to you)
Take care when you go walk-about
What - e - e - ver you do
For when the interstellar taste police
Go sweeping through
They're taking them to the cosmic zoo,
(Dra - a - gons too!)
Gonna lock them all up in the cosmic zoo.
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