What Coven This?
(sung to "Greensleeves")
lyrics by amy & ottercat
Please feel free to redistribute and/or perform so long as this notice remains intact and proper credit is given. 13 Nov 1996
What coven this that cast a spell
On Imbolc fair and windy
Lighting a fire to welcome the God
But the spell, it went ka-blooey!
Chorus (sing after every verse, for the first 10 verses only):
Ka-blooey went the spell
When this happens it bodes not well
Hope, Hope every one and all
The Circle is cast most properly
The High Priest had browsed some books
At each in Dalton's he did look
Never reading ev'ry word
So he had no clue what to do
He had a handsome fine strong voice
But his words were a lousy choice
For he would add things here and there
And to him they did sound most fair
The High priestess was a beauty
Chos'n mostly for her looks you see
Coven members were glad to know
That she in circle skyclad did go
Five times a beauty queen was she
The best ta-ta's in St. Louis
Alack, alas she could not see
And had no magic energy
The coven members were newbies all
Just now hearing Wicca's call
The rule of three they'd heard just once
When the spell did go ka-blooey!
The sky grew darkly ominous
A cloud did shadow over us
From in the shadow I did spy
Two angry eyes a'glowing
A snarl quickly joined the rest
Sharp fangs and slober did depress
Soon heard was a bloodthirsty growl
What in Hades had they call-ed?
The priestess fainted with a shriek
Who would have known she was so meek?
The shadow hasted to her feet
Upon her breast it did feast
How do I banish this foul fiend?
The priest said many words obscene
Whilst his poor brain he did wrack
For this spellcaster was a quack
And what is that which doth appear
Standing by the altar near?
Do I see horns and cloven feet?
A set of pipes going tweet, tweet-tweet?
Pan, Pan, please save our boat
Members jump pleading "Holy Goat"
Help, Help for all of us
He'll save us from this beastie
A loud shrill trill Pan did blow
Upon his pipes (they're reed, you know)
Then with a a shriek it disappear'd
Of the God the beastie did learn fear
Pan, Pan, did save our boat
Members jump singing "Holy Goat"
Help, Help has come to us
He saved us from that beastie
From that day on the coven changed
No more playing of guessing games
For ev'ry spell they did study
For fear of another screwing
Thus, this is the moral dear
Lest summon any beasts to fear
Be sure you've read the book
My own sure guide to spell casting
(Spoken:) Available for $19.95 at better bookstores everwhere!
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